


Social but not really but-

by Chimney_on_the_roof



Series: His Silver Lining [7]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, M/M, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, YouTube, i feel like i'm forgetting some tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27216022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimney_on_the_roof/pseuds/Chimney_on_the_roof
Summary: “You know, you should start a YouTube channel.”Alex raised his eyebrows. “A what? I mean, why? What kind of videos would I post?”May grinned. “I don’t know… ‘I’m In Love With My Roommate’,” she mocked and bumped his shoulder with hers. Alex felt heat creep up his neck and he shushed her, only making the blonde girl grin wider.A.k.a. Alex is faced with a dilemma
Relationships: Adrienne de Lafayette/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette (background), Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: His Silver Lining [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872574
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	Social but not really but-

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes I still write! School takes away a lot of my time and motivation :(  
> Anyway...
> 
> This work is part of a series, read the other parts first or you'll be confused!  
> Enjoy!!

The cosy coffee shop was almost empty, except for one table occupied by four boys and a girl. Three of the guys were regulars, but usually didn’t come on a Tuesday. Alex checked his phone for any sign that the expected fifth guy would be arriving soon, and put it down on the table again.

“How long have you known John?” the girl asked him. Alex’s mouth involuntarily twitched into half a smile at the mention of his secret boyfriend.

“We’ve lived together for almost a year, but have only known each other for… a half year?” he answered Adrienne. He looked at her boyfriend as if he could confirm it, but Lafayette merely shrugged. Desperate to divert the attention from himself and John, Alex asked, “How about you two?”

Before either of the couple could answer, the bell on the door jangled and two familiar girls walked in.

“Hey, look,” Thomas said. The tallest girl turned to him.

“Hello guys!” Angelica said in surprise. “And Adrienne!” Next to her, May waved excitedly at them. Thomas, Hercules, Lafayette, Adrienne, and Alex greeted them with equal surprise and enthusiasm.

“What are the odds,” Lafayette said.

Hercules invited them to sit with the rest and the girls accepted, but said they would order first. “Oh, and Charlie will be joining us in a minute,” May said with glistening eyes, making Alex suspect there was a reason for her excitement at the prospect of having the black-haired girl join them.

“No problem!” Lafayette said, and the others agreed.

While they waited for the girls to join them, John finally entered the coffee shop. Alex hoped his excitement wasn’t showing as much, but he loved seeing John’s entire face light up as soon as he saw his boyfriend. Alex waved at John, although unnecessary, and John came over to sit down on the chair next to him.

“Hey y’all,” John said to the others, and Alex grinned. John usually hid the fact he was Southern, but all of a sudden it didn’t seem to matter. Alex didn’t mind. Lafayette introduced John and Adrienne to each other.

“It’s good to meet you in person, John,” Hercules said. John smiled and nodded.

“Likewise,” he said. Thomas stayed quiet.

Angelica, May, and Charlie joined them a moment later. Alex realised how crowded it was at the table, but he found that he didn’t mind. A second table was pulled to them and Alex was sat between May and John.

Cheerful conversations flowed between all of them, even Thomas, and May talked Alex’s ears off. Her ever-present contagious smile and warm eyes made Alex feel at ease, and he felt his old self that was told he talked too much resurfacing. He was certain he wouldn’t be able to recount all the things they talked about later.

Alex kept an eye on Thomas, though. He knew John and Thomas didn’t like each other, although he couldn’t tell why. Neither could John. They carefully avoided each other, and Alex could feel the tension between the two, although he supposed he was the only one who could. Maybe he was imagining things. But that didn’t take away the fact that Thomas had fallen quiet once John had arrived.

“You know, you should start a YouTube channel.”

Alex raised his eyebrows. “A what? I mean, why? What kind of videos would I post?”

May grinned. “I don’t know… ‘I’m In Love With My Roommate’,” she mocked and bumped his shoulder with hers. Alex felt heat creep up his neck and he shushed her, only making the blonde girl grin wider.

“How about you make one?” Alex shot back. “‘I’m In Love With My Roommate’s _Friend_ ’?”

May’s jaw dropped and she shoved him into John, quickly glancing at Charlie. Alex giggled and muttered a sorry to his boyfriend. May grabbed Alex’s hoodie and pulled him closer again.

“Okay then, we make one together,” she said conspiratorially. Alex chuckled and shook his head. May tilted her head. “Why not?”

Alex frowned. “You’re serious?”

May shrugged, and Alex noticed she was blushing.

“You _are_ in love with John, right?” she whispered. Alex tried to hold his grin back.

“Yeah,” he said. “And you like Charlie?”

May nodded. “So… Are you in?”

Alex chuckled again. “I mean… sure.”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, earning herself a tilted head from John, a raised eyebrow from Angelica, squinted eyes from Charlie, and a few more confused faces.

She shrugged it off. “Did you guys know Alex is ambidextrous?”

“You are?” John asked. The next minute or so was spent proving Alex could write their names with both hands. He wondered how May knew, and he supposed he must’ve told her sometime in the last half hour, or weeks ago when they first met at Angelica’s party.

“This could be either the best or the worst idea ever,” Alex told May that Saturday. They sat on her bed in May’s and Angelica’s shared apartment with a laptop between them, showing a Word document with ideas for videos May had come up with. On the wall behind them was a big rainbow flag, and they’d already decided to use that as their background for filming.

“But,” Alex continued, “Let’s try to have some fun.”

“Oh, come on, Alex,” May said, bumping their shoulders together. “We will have fun!”

“If you say so…”

May told him about her idea for a first video, and Alex gave some suggestions. He had to admit that her ideas were awesome. The only thing they didn’t agree on was a name for the channel. None of the names they came up with clicked, and they ended up sprawled on the floor saying random names to the ceiling.

“A bi and a… Alex, what are you? Gay?”

“I’m bi too.”

“Hm.” A pause. “Wait, so we’re both bi.”

“Yup.”

“Two bi’s… Bi squared…”

“E equals mc squared…”

“Not helpful.”

Alex sat up. “Hey, how about we go eat something? I’m pretty hungry.”

“Two hungry bi’s…” May muttered. She sat up too. “Yeah, good idea.”

They continued texting each other the following week, and decided to meet up again the next Saturday. Alex was conflicted on whether to tell John or not, but he decided to keep it a secret. Besides, it would be unfair to May, who didn’t know they were dating. To be honest, it was already unfair. But it was just for some video. He didn’t expect many people to actually watch it.

He still had his doubts. He didn’t know how to feel, exposing himself and his feelings on the internet like this. Like he’d told John before, people knowing about his relationship wasn’t something he was very fond of.

May had a good camera and claimed to be good at editing. Alex helped her set up the camera in the middle of the room and the umbrella and lights in the corners. Maybe there was a different, more professional name for this special umbrella, but neither of them knew for sure. It looked very professional in Alex’s opinion.

“A guy and a girl walk into a bar…” May said to the camera. “They’re both bisexual.”

Alex had expected to be nervous in front of the camera, but he discovered he wasn’t at all. It was easy to talk to an electronic thing with only May beside him. They introduced themselves to the imaginary viewers, and they were quick to talk about the real issue: their crushes. When Alex stumbled over some words, May told him to just try again. “We can edit it out later,” she said. When Alex realised that was true, he started messing up on purpose to make May laugh.

“We should post a blooper reel,” May said, trying to catch her breath in between laughs when Alex kept messing up his line, not even on purpose.

“I won’t be able to keep a straight face ever again when I hear the word ‘consequences’,” Alex giggled.

“You never have a straight face,” May said.

“Oh, shut up.” He grinned at the camera. “We are perfectly straight.”

May taught Alex a little bit about editing because he felt bad for having May do all the work. It was weird talking about his boyfriend as if it was just a crush, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty for lying about it. Maybe the feeling would go away and he could reveal it in a humorous way someday, or he could just keep it all hidden. He supposed he could fake the moment he and John “finally” got together. He was more torn between telling John about the YouTube channel and keeping it a secret. What would John think, he wondered. Would John get mad at Alex for talking about their relationship like that? Would he like the video? Alex assumed John wouldn’t like the fact that he kept it hidden from him.

Something that surprised Alex was that May talked so openly about how much she admired Charlie and how gorgeous and wonderful she was. Alex lived in a constant fear that John would find the video, but May was very chill about it. “I created a new email account just for this, they won’t find it. Besides, it’s not like we’re popular. I doubt more than ten people will watch the video.”

They also didn’t say Charlie’s and John’s names in the video, just their own first names. “Maybe John and Charlie have a YouTube channel together on which they post about _their_ crushes,” Alex teased.

May kept Alex updated on the editing and two weeks later she said she was done. They met at the coffee shop and Alex watched the end product on May’s laptop. He laughed when he saw the bloopers May had included at the end of the video.

“It’s amazing, May!” Alex said. “A-May-zing…”

May chuckled and shoved him. “Shall I post it?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Alex looked around the coffee shop, half-expecting a sign to appear that told them to wait. “Okay, sure,” he said. He watched over May’s shoulder with a thumping heart as she prepared to post the video to YouTube.

“Aaaaand… it’s online!” May said triumphantly. Alex and she clinked their drinks together. They sat in silence for a while, just watching the screen where nothing happened.

“Now what?” Alex asked. “It’s not like we can ask our friends to watch it.”

May shrugged. “Let’s hope some LGBTQ+ kids watch it. They see a rainbow and they click.” Alex chuckled.

Alex was just about to put his key in the lock when the apartment door in front of him was opened from the inside. For a moment he stood frozen with his key clutched in his outstretched hand, until John snorted.

“Hey Lexi,” he said.

Alex smiled sheepishly. “Hi.” He quickly stepped inside the apartment. John closed the door behind him. Alex raised his eyebrows at him.

“Weren’t you leaving? Or did you somehow sense I was there?”

John shrugged with one shoulder. “That’s my special boyfriend power!”

Alex grinned and shrugged his coat off. He threw it to John, who hung it on their brand-new coat rack. Having a coat rack felt oddly domestic.

“Where did you go, by the way?” John asked, following Alex to the small living room. The house owner, Mr. Adams, had been sleeping on the couch that night and had left the apartment in the early morning, so the couple sat on the floor in front of the couch.

“I was at May’s,” Alex said, pulling out his phone to check for messages. He hoped he appeared calm, because on the inside he was freaking out. The internal dilemma wasn’t helping. John made an approving noise and slung his arm around Alex’s shoulders, scrolling through his own phone. This had become a routine somehow – sometimes they showed each other memes or other funny things, but they mostly sat together in comfortable silence.

Alex checked the time and gave John a sideward glance. “Is it your turn to make dinner?” he asked.

John sighed and looked at the clock. “Are you okay with eating pizza?”

“Sure.”

While John ordered the pizzas, Alex went to the toilet. Once he locked the door, he stood in the dark of the bathroom and clutched his head with his hands. He did _not_ like keeping this from John. He came to the conclusion that he had to make a final decision, instead of replaying the dilemma over and over in his head.

One thing he knew how to do, was write. He sat down on the closed hood of the toilet and opened his notes app on his phone.

_Okay,_ he wrote, _I’m going to tell John about the YouTube channel._ He stared into the now dimly lit bathroom.

_Or not. I don’t know._

He sighed – this wasn’t helping.

_I need to make a decision quickly because John is gonna be wondering what’s taking me so long in here._

He deleted the note and started over.

_Dear Alex,_ he typed, and deleted it.

_Hey Alex,_

_You’re gonna make a decision before leaving the bathroom. Tell John about the YouTube channel or not. Okay, first, how much does it actually matter? What’s at stake?_

_Right now, I’m lying to my boyfriend and a friend. To my boyfriend about that YouTube channel – or rather, I haven’t told him anything about it. Is keeping a secret lying? That’s a question for a different time. By the way, I did read that in a book: “Secrets are lies”, although I’m not sure if I agree with it. Anyway. I don’t like keeping secrets from my boyfriend, especially if it’s /about/ said boyfriend._

_And I’m lying to a friend about not having a relationship. She’s not the only one I’m lying to about regarding that matter, so that lie doesn’t hurt as much. It’s simply a matter of me wanting to keep such things private. Which contradicts the whole thing we’re doing since I’m very much talking about relationships etcetera to her and everyone who watches the /not private at all/ video._

Alex checked the time. He’d forgotten to check the time when he entered the bathroom, so he didn’t know how long he’d been in there, but he supposed it had been at least five minutes. He didn’t want to make John suspicious, although he wasn’t done writing down his thoughts yet. He had promised himself to make a decision before coming out of the bathroom.

Making up his mind, he flushed the toilet and walked back to the living room.

“…So today we uploaded the video to YouTube,” Alex finished, playing with his second piece of pizza while John had eaten five. John swallowed a bite and kept silent. Alex didn’t look at him.

“Can I see it?” John asked at last.

Alex smiled nervously. “Uh, sure?” He unlocked his phone and typed the channel’s name into the search bar under John’s gaze. Alex didn’t know how John felt about it and he didn’t like that feeling. He supposed it was fair since Alex had kept something hidden too.

“A guy and a girl walk into a bar…” May’s voice said. Alex handed his phone over to John. When a few seconds later the intro played, John looked up.

“Sorry, I’m making this very awkward, aren’t I?” he said, pausing the video.

“What?” Alex blurted out. He blinked at John.

John sighed and rolled his eyes, giving Alex a relaxed smile. “Alex, I’m not mad at you.”

“But-”

John held up a hand to stop Alex. “You’re right, I’m a bit offended. You wanted to keep our relationship secret, but at the same time you tell everyone about your ‘crush’ on me,” John said, making air quotes. “While we _are_ in a relationship, right?”

Alex nodded.

“And I agree, it wasn’t fair to lie to May,” John continued, “Under the guise that she’s not the only one secretly pining after her friend.”

Alex nodded again.

“But I appreciate that you told me, even if you didn’t immediately.”

“How did we ever live in the same house and not talk to each other,” Alex wondered.

John gave him a look and cleared his throat. “A bit random…”

“No, no, no!” Alex rushed to explain. “I mean, we lived in the same apartment and _never_ talked to each other. Look how far we’ve come, we’re dating! And now I start feeling guilty when I don’t talk to you, even though months ago I didn’t even want to talk to you.” After a pause he said, “Whew, I was so antisocial.”

“You still are,” John muttered with a hint of a smile.

“Hey!” Alex protested. “Did you just miss the entire part where I told you I made a video with a _friend_? I thought that was quite obvious, but I guess that’s just me.”

John huffed a laugh and shook his head. “Your pizza is getting cold,” he reminded Alex. “Anyway, yeah. Please don’t hide stuff like this from me in the future.”

“I won’t,” Alex quickly said around his pizza. He swallowed his bite and continued, “Like I mentioned, I felt really guilty for not telling you. I won’t anymore.”

John raised an eyebrow. “You won’t feel guilty anymore? Well, that’s reassuring,” he deadpanned.

“Noooo,” Alex whined. “You know what I mean.”

John grinned. “Yeah, I do. Thanks.”

They both continued eating their pizza until Alex asked carefully, “So… Are you going to watch the rest of that video?”

John chuckled. “I was waiting for you to ask that.”

He grabbed Alex’s phone and watched the video. Alex was relieved that John smiled at the jokes and even blushed whenever Alex said anything praising about him in the video.

“You’re such a dork,” John said looking up at Alex when May wrapped up the video.

“Wait, wait,” Alex said, motioning to the phone, “You should watch the bloopers.”

Alex couldn’t help but smile as he watched the bloopers with John, even though he was sure his face was bright red. It would definitely clash with his hair. He was delighted that John laughed too.

“So what do you think?”

John smiled and handed Alex his phone back. “I kind of like it. Smart that you didn’t say my, and Charlie’s, name.”

“Am I allowed to continue making videos with May?” Alex asked eagerly, in the back of his mind wondering how John knew that it was Charlie who May was talking about.

John tousled Alex’s hair. “You have my permission, as long as I can read the script and approve. Gosh, I feel like a father,” he added with a chuckle.

Alex felt like an ice cold bucket of water was thrown at him. His smile fell and his previous excitement ebbed away. He felt his cheeks hurt from laughing so much.

“What do you mean with that?”

John pulled his hand back and frowned. “Uh, like, you sounded like a kid asking their parent to, I don’t know, have a cookie or something,” he stammered. “Did I say something wrong?”

Alex stared at the piece of pizza in his hand. He and John both didn’t have exemplary parental figures in their lives. Alex had no idea how a good relationship worked.

He shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine,” he said with a smile. “It just surprised me.”

“Are you sure?”

Alex nodded and took a bite of his pizza. “Those conditions are fine,” he said with his mouth full. The pizza was indeed getting cold.

**Author's Note:**

> Obviosuly this isn't the last part of the series 👀  
> Please leave a comment, comments cheer me up and give me motivation to write more! <3


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